Photo:
Grant Gunderson

See also Contest 01: Chairlift Encounter

See also Contest 02: Panic

See also Contest 03: Squalor

It's In the Bag
By SIMON MOSES

Not sure how long I've been in here. Not sure how long until the snow starts to fall. But I can feel it getting colder down here in the basement every day. My wife loves the idea. We thought the kids might miss their father, but when we discussed it with them they all concurred that they really didn't like me that much during summer anyway.

Winter keeps me sane. As long as my daily yearnings for snow are satisfied, I'm happy, my wife is happy, and the kids love their father. Yet as spring inexorably returns and the snow starts to melt, my mood swan dives into melancholic depression.

I remember the days when I first learned to ride. I can picture the serpentine paths through fresh snow, the crisp sounds of the edges cutting over the snow crust and the feeling of floating through the air on my first big jump. I was an instant addict.

Years later I got married, had kids, and thought I was growing up. But my snow addiction twisted and turned inside me, contorting my senses and swaying my judgment. My summer sojourns to the basement became more frequent. I spent long hours caressing my snowboard, bindings, and boots. I would mow the lawn then go down and look at my snowboard, have a beer then look at my snowboard, play with the kids then look at my snowboard, have dinner then look at my snowboard.

Oh our family life is more perfect than the Brady Bunch, during winter. But summers are a despotic plunge into misery. I've driven around town with the air conditioner on full wearing my ski clothes, helmet, and goggles. The situation climaxed one morning last spring when my wife lost it. "I am sick of your damn bipolar, bi-seasonal, whatever-the-hell-it-is personality disorder!" She burned fiery red. "The kids and I love you, but we can't take it any more. You may as well jump into your snowboard bag with your board at the start of summer and stay down there 'til winter comes back!"

So things are festering a bit after many months in here, but I'm together with my snowboard and we know we're coming out soon. My wife will be waiting for me with glee (once I've showered at least) and the kids will think Christmas has come early. I can feel it now, it's getting colder. Winter is coming and soon they'll let me out of here.

                                                                                        Next: number 4


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