Balls to the Walls
By Sean Felz

We're here to win the state championship. If our coach, Brewster McVicker, meant to inspire us, it worked. If he meant to intimidate us, it worked even better. Up here in the gate, waiting for the starter's signal, I'm keenly aware that my high school has won more state championships than I can count. Best not to let the coach down.

I'm seeded sixth in the final run of my high school career. I'd reflect over my years on the team if I could, how my winters have been spent conditioning and training under bleak Michigan skies, but the starter waves at me and suddenly it's on. I tap my poles, adrenaline shooting through my veins, and kick through the gate.

The course is wide open and incredibly fast. I skate hard toward the first gate, already thinking of the crux turn later in the course. But first I'm hassled by deep ruts, the products of a hundred ski edges before mine. Gliding now, I come around the third gate and the slope drops abruptly. My skis chatter wildly on the ice—too wildly—as I suddenly struggle to carve a turn.

It's a strange thing to see your left ski zoom off ahead of you. Now I'm heading straight for the snow gun. It's getting closer. Things are definitely wrong. I quickly throw my weight onto my right ski and fall onto my right side, using my arms and hands to self arrest, stopping mere inches from the netting around the gun. It's over? Just like that? My lost ski is perched upright in the middle of the course as though I had planted it there.

A gate keeper helps me gather my gear, and his bright attitude and subtle jokes save me from self abasement. When I reach our group of parents at the bottom, they're full of reassurance; the team is still doing well, they say, and I looked good as I crashed.

"Well," I reply with a grin, "I just did what my mom told me to do this morning." The other parents press for details. My mother wears a mixture of wonder and embarrassed anxiety. "Go balls to the walls!"

Brewster got his win and we won state again. I didn't finish the race, not this one, but we won and it feels damn good anyway.

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